Beccaning Call

SPRING BREAK SHARK ATTACK

Well, it's not really spring break anymore, and it's not actually an attack. Some fisherman caught a gigantic ass tiger shark.



July 20:
OAK BLUFFS, Mass---Fishermen who hauled in a massive 1,100 pound tiger shark off Massachusetts this past weekend failed to capture first place in the monster shark derby on Martha's Vineyard.

The reason: The boat was six minutes too late in returning to Oak Bluffs harbor with its catch.

The toothy tiger shark may not have won the competition, but it did win the admiration of other fishermen. Steven James of the Boston Big Game Fishing Club said this truly was a monster shark, and one that "could eat you."

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In other news: It is SHARK WEEK on the discovery channel. In the interest of keeping up with the best AP shark pictures of all time, here's another favorite:



and here's that silly spoof article pip and i wrote after that lady in australia got fucked up in November:

By Philip
and Becca
Senior Writers

A 6-meter Great White Shark breached the water off Cape Town, South Africa Tuesday morning.
But Nikki Werking didn’t expect to find the notably stunned beast in the living room of her Chapel Hill apartment 4 hours later.

Travelling at approximately 4,500 knots according to experts, the shark reached a peak height of almost 54 miles — well into the troposphere — in its 7,000-mile trip.

“It’s a well-documented fact that, if left to accelerate, them shits keep going,” said Fens Spellman, a doctor of Sharktology at the Sharkological Institute in East Rutherford, N.J.

“I mean, when you see ‘Jaws,’ you think that they’re all gigantic and slow. Well, they’re certainly gigantic, but they can really tear out when they have to,” he said.
“It’s fuckin’ nuts.”

The 4-ton fish, visibly smoking after its re-entry into the Earth’s atmosphere, crashed through the apartment above Werking’s before lodging itself between her couch and the coffee table.

“Man, I didn’t know people had slept over from last night,” said Anthony, who refused to give his last name, a roommate of Werking’s and third roommate Michelle Jarboe.

“He’s not a very smart guy,” Werking said, adding, “fuck it, he’s a retard.”

Jarboe could not be reached for comment, as she was sleeping at the time of the collision and failed to regain conciousness.
“I mean, you feel like you’re doing pretty well in life, but you just can’t count on a goddamn shark busting through your ceiling,” said Jane Cousins of the Chapel Hill Police Department.

“We should all be more wary in our day-to-day lives,” Spellman said. “Aerial shark-o-penetration is the fifth leading cause of Security Deposit forfeiture among American college students.”

When asked by Cousins why he wasn’t wearing any pants, Anthony responded with a shrug onlookers described as “visibly halfassed.”

“That just goes to show you,” Werking said as the shark was removed with a crane. “Same shit, different day.”

Contact the Oceanography Desk
at DolphinSex@unc.edu.

posted by Becca @ 10:54 PM